Playing soldiers in a field

Damn it I was cold.

We got the train to Three Bridges, which is just past Gatwick Airport. We got a 20-quid cab ride to the location and found our dressing room was a Horse Trailer next to A Big Pile Of Horse Manure.

It smelt but it was warm.

Then we got to meet 3 men from the Mercian Regiment who had been out in Afghanistan with the man who we were doing a film about. I admit that Gareth, one of the soldiers, caught my eye. He was big, he was strong, he had a scar on his top lip, he had green eyes and a cheeky smile. And he was in uniform.

Then we got kitted out. Gareth helped me get changed and made sure all my equipment and outfit was in the right place. I smiled a lot. After that we got shown how to hold and use our firearms by a very cool man called John. He has been in the special forces for 33 years and seriously knew what he was talking about. He took me under his wing and showed me everything I needed to know about how to stand, walk, talk and fire like a soldier. I had massive respect for the man and felt proud that he seemed to favour me over the other boys.

Did I mention Harry? I acquired a rather manky, bedraggled and hairy Cocker Spaniel called Harry. I don't know which farm he belonged to but Harry was by no means a preened puppy. He had knots and burrs. He had tangled hair and a thing on his bottom lip that might have had any respectable vet approaching him with a large needle of sleepforever juice.

But Harry had something special. He was just happy as hell to be alive and couldn't believe that so many new friends had come to see him. Harry decided that I was the friend of all friends and stuck by my side like glue. I didn't mind the smell that was coming from him that much at all because of the amount of love that was coming from the smelly mound of fur that was constantly at my ankles.

Then we started filmed. Lots of walking back and forth. A bit of dancing round a fire (and some of cooking that earned me a nickname of Delia). Then the real stuff came. We had to start throwing ourself into puddles on a muddy field with frost on the ground (and on our rucksacks as well) at -6. There was gunfire and explosions going on while we were on our fronts crawling through endless freezing, muddy puddles just to make it more fun.

Eventually it stopped being fun and we were praying for it all to end. Eventually it did (at 10.30pm) and we got out of our kits and into normal clothes. Then there was the journey home to consider, but we eventually arrived at Kings Cross at 2am. I finally got home at 2.30pm and had to have a bath just so I could feel my feet.

After a few hours of sleep I was up and at 'em and back in the office. Dear God.

Playing soldiers

So I'm still at Two Four Broadcast and working on The Millies for Sky One until 18 December. It's turning out to be a good show - a bit like a Military version of The Pride of Britain awards with the likes of Prince Charles, Gordon Brown and David Cameron involved. There's been a right hoo ha about getting Rachel Stevens out to Afghanistan to present an award and all because she's still in Strictly Come Dancing we've gone with Nell McAndrew instead (she's a forces sweetheart anyway so it makes good sense to have her go).

However, I have no idea what I'll be doing for work come the New Year. I'm sure something will turn up...

Today, the other researcher and I are going down to Sussex to play at being soldiers under a Taliban ambush. It's bloody freezing outside and they want us to stand in a muddy field, dressed up like soldiers and run around a bit. It's like my old days as a film extra in Gladiator, Shakespeare in Love and Notting Hill. I'm sure at some point I was dressed up as a WWII soldier and an airman as well...

I've got so many thermal clothes with me I could open my own market stall. I pray to God that the day goes well enough.

But at the moment, my main concern is food. I went to the gym last night and have come to work without breakfast so I could eat a horse.