Feeling content

For the first time in a long time I realised I am feeling really good about life.

I was walking home through Finsbury Park. It was a nice summer evening with people scattered around the grass, the breeze making leaves on the trees rustle and a swarm of starlings twittering above me.

It dawned on me that I am really content with my life right now. I have a great job that keeps me busy but gives me a sense of achievement, I'm now living with a boyfriend who makes me feel happy, puts a smile on a face and obviously really loves me, my flat is getting sorted out, my car is all sorted (although it needs waxing) and I've got enough money coming through by the end of the week to pay off my debts and give me a bit left to enjoy life with.

I got home and sorted more of Chris's things out. His Bose speakers really are good and I played a few of my favourite tunes from my new diamond iPod on it before watching a Sex and the City double bill.

Life. Is. Good.

Chris moves in

Chris came home at 4.30pm and woke me up. I felt better than I thought I would and had a shower. We decided to get something to eat before moving his stuff over to my flat.

We walked down a little path by the reservoir. It was LOVELY. We walked through Clissold Park with an ice cream and couldn't believe how great the weather was. There were lots of people in the park and it was just the perfect day.

Then we wandered down Stoke Newington Church Street until we found a nice little Greek restaurant and we ordered some mezze and pimm's. I drank a lot of water. Suddenly the excess of last night hit me and I started to feel really ill. I was sweating and could smell whiskey coming out of my pores.

After a while I started to feel better and we walked back through the park. Chris went back to his to get things ready and then I drove over. We started to pack up the car and bring things over to my place. It wasn't easy but we got it all onto the roof garden.

Then we had the hard part to do. We got his side board over and put it in the living room and then we had to carry the book shelf unit by hand from his to mine. It wasn't that hard in the end. We got that into the hallway.

By then it was 11pm and I needed food so I got some KFC and chips. I ate that while watching Hustle. Chris came back from his last trip home and we went to bed. Talk about shattered!

Julian's Record Launch

I went to see Chris at his work and had some food and drinks. After that I went for a wander around Islington and it was lovely. Then I bought some clothes for summer. I got some shirts, a light pair of trousers and shorts as well as some flip flops and sunglasses. I put it on my card because I know that money from the bank will turn up on Friday.

Then I drove home and tried everything on. While watching Britain's Got Talent I decided to go to Julian Bennett's launch party at Heaven for his new single 'Camp Freddie'.

I put my new blue shirt on and headed down there for about 10.30pm. I saw Julian in the street and he told me that he'd see me inside. I went in and the first person I saw was Miss Kimberley. She introduced me to Chris Jepson who's a photographer for QX. He took lots of photos of us which was fun. Then Julian appeared again and introduced me to lots of people. There was one of the girls from X Factor there - the black girl with the big hair and great voice. Dusty O was there too and several other glamorous people. There was a photographer for OK Magazine there too and he took photos for me with Julian and several other people. He was nice and we hung out a bit.

Then Julian performed his song with some backing dancers. It was all a lot of fun. Then things got a bit blurry. I got really quite drunk in the main club and in the end decided it was time to head home. I got the bus and fell asleep on the bus so woke up in Wood Green somewhere. I got a taxi home and just got chatting to these two French boys outside the flat so invited them and their bottle of whiskey up to the flat.

Chris went to work and was laughing at how drunk I was. I had a great time with the two French boys and found out that it was Eduardo's birthday so we drank more and then passed out. At around 12.30pm they got up and headed out. I went to bed and passed out.

Chris moves in

So after 4 months, Chris has moved his stuff in.

Well he's put some of his stuff in storage and moved a few of his things in for a few weeks while he waits to hear about the place in Camden he's hoping to get.

I got home from work last night and he'd cooked a lovely meal of salmon, prawns and pasta. There were a few glasses of wine and a Sex and the City double bill.

I went out on to the roof garden for a bit and enjoyed the summer evening with a glass of wine while he read on the sofa for a bit.

We got to bed early and I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. So this is what it's like to live together...

Finding people who eat things that are still alive

I didn't want to go to work today. I'd not slept very well after I spent the night under a summer blanket following Sable deciding to wee on the bed while I was at work. Not that it was her fault - I'd accidentally locked her in the bedroom when I left for work...

I got up this morning at 6am and went to vote for the London Mayor. Even though I quite fancy Brian Paddock, I ended up voting for Ken Livingstone rather than facing the wrath of Chris and Maria. I did put Brian down as my second choice though so at least it'll count somewhere down the line.

Then I got ready for work and climbed back into bed with Chris. It just felt so good to be laying in bed with him and giggling about nothing together. But eventually it was time for me to leave for work.

I got to work and contacted the kiss and tell girl to say that we'd see her on Tuesday. Then I got hunting for someone who eats live food. Amazingly, you can eat a lot of things while they're still alive. Did you know that if you order Lobster Sashimi then the lobster is still alive on the plate and will keep moving all the way through your meal before it eventually dies. And that you can eat live octopus tentacles and live sashimi with the fish slices taken off the living fish while it's on the plate in front of you so it is still gasping for air as you eat. I was disgusted and hated seeing the footage on youtube - but it's my job to find things that people will watch and talk about afterwards so I hunted for the best I could.

Eventually I found a blog from a guy called Eddie who runs www.deepdowndining.com and saw what he gets up to. By then it was time to leave so I went to see Chris at work and had a lovely dinner at Giraffe. I had 2 glasses of wine and a lovely duck and noodle thing. The place was busy so Chris didn't have much time to spend with me but it was just nice to be around him.

I left and got the bus home. Then I sat on the sofa and watched Sex and the City with a gin and tonic.

I'm starting to feel a bit grown up. At last.

Sorting out the car

I finally got myself together to get the car fixed. I got it down to the garage before work on Monday and then went to get it first thing on Tuesday. I got to the garage early and it was still shut so I went for a wander. I'm amazed at how many very sexy Polish men there are wandering around the streets of Seven Sisters of a morning.

I got the car and drove home before getting ready and going to work.

I spent an hour on the phone to the Halifax to sort out my finances. Then I managed to find a great kiss and tell girl for the Greed show and she's Scottish with a passion for shagging the likes of Robbie Williams, Daniel Baldwin, Eminem and more before selling her story to the press. Great!

After work I got home and felt like going out. I dragged Chris out to see Chris Reardon at The Golden Lion in Kings Cross for his karaoke night. Chris was shattered but he managed to force a couple of glasses of red wine down him. There were a few of the old Gran Canaria crowd there which was nice.

We stopped off at Tesco on Essex Road and got some shopping in. Then we got home and had pizza and a few glasses of wine while watching Family Guy.

Chris had a full day of work in the morning so I ironed a shirt for us both and sent him off to work while I got ready for another day of sinner hunting.

Picnic on a sunny day

I got up around 11am and pottered around the flat. I was shattered and a bit hungover but that soon went.
It was such a lovely day and I did some laundry and let it dry on the roof garden. I woke Chris up around 1pm and we decided to go for a picnic in the park. He was really hungover and tired but we got some ice cream and other stuff and went to sit in the sun in the park for a couple of hours.
He went to work and I pottered home. I got my hair cut and then sat watching TV. As the evening went on I got more and more tired and decided to go for a little lie down for an hour.
Chris called me at 10.30 to see if I wanted to go to his bosses house for a party after work and I said yes but then I fell back to sleep and when I woke up there was no way I could have been sociable and so I sent him a text to say I couldn't get out of bed.
I fell back to sleep and only woke up when I heard Chris crashing through the front door at 5.30am. He actually looked really great considering he'd been doing dirty drugs at someone's house with people from work and an alcoholic flatmate. Sable had coughed up a fur ball right by the bedroom door and he was busy cleaning it up when I made it out of the bedroom.
I got him back into bed and of course he was horny with all the coke so I knobbed him and we went to sleep.
When the alarm went off at 8.30am I got up, ironed his top for work, laid out some pants and socks and his top along with his jeans. Made him a coffee and ran him a bath. Then I woke him up and helped him get ready for work.
He left and I chatted to Clive on Facebook for a bit while doing more laundry. I really must sort the car out today but I'm still tired so might just go and have a nap for a bit.

Back from filming in Boston again

So we finished all our filming in Boston and I drove back to London. Maria slept part of the way back down and I was shattered too but being able to drive a Mercedes ML 4x4 for 3 hours was so much fun I was determined to enjoy every second.
Chris was going to go out and meet his ex flatmate Jamie for drinks in Crouch Hill and he asked if I wanted to join them but when I got home, Jamie hadn't rang so we decided to go to Il Baccio in Highbury instead.
We had some really great food and a bottle of wine. It was so nice to just sit and chat. I brought up the fact that he hadn't changed his gaydar profile since we got together and that I would prefer it if people didn't assume he was single and making suggestive comments to him when he logged on drunk from time to time. He looked upset that he hadn't done it sooner and I felt awkward for bringing it up. But that passed and we went home, got another bottle of wine and watched Malice on TV.
I was shattered and wanted to go to bed but we sat up longer. Chris got drunk and excited so I went to sleep and he sat up reading for a bit on the sofa.

Chris breaks his toe

So Chris was wandering into the bathroom. He bashed his toe on the door and we ended up spending the afternoon in A & E at UCL.

They put his toe in a splint and said to rest as much as possible. We went for something to eat after that and felt much better. Then we went down to Soho for a pint in Profile and bumped into his friends Darren and Martin. All in all it was a nice evening and then we headed home.

While on the way to the tube, we decided to go to Pizza Hut for something more to eat. We ordered a pizza to share and I had wine and he had a Corona.

There was a VERY sexy lad sitting on a nearby table. Actually there was 3 of them. Rugby player types.

I went to the loo. Before I knew it, one of the rugby lads (the one I fancied) walked in and said 'alright mate - mind if I take off my trousers?'

It turns out that his mate had spilt wine on him and he needed to dry off. I helped with the drier. It was a hard task trying to keep eye contact while he was in his black trunks and shirt.

The meal went well. Chris and I chatted and then headed home. I was a bit drunk. We got in and went to bed so we could get up for work tomorrow.

Off to Boston with a cut hand

I got everything sorted out and packed the camera and scripts into my bag before heading over to Chris's for about 9pm. He cooked a lovely trout and vegetables meal and then we came back to mine. He'd bought some oysters and so I started to open them for us but the knife slipped and i took a huge chunk out of my hand between my fingers. There was so much blood.

Anyway, I bandaged myself up and Chris mopped the floor.

I woke up today feeling rubbish. I've got a cold, a hole in my hand and a sore throat. Not really how you want to start a 3 hour drive to the middle of nowhere.

Chris went to work and I did some laundry, sorted out the cat litter and did some bits and bobs before Maria arrived in the hire car.

We're going on a road trip. Yey!

Feeling really ill

How did I get through today? I woke up feeling so ill and I spent the day feeling as if I had elephants stamping on my shins, my head in a river of lava and rampant hedgehogs shagging in my throat.

I think I have flu. I even had stabbing pains in my big toe so I felt as if I was being bitten by beetles.

And through this I managed to interview Lulu from Boston about her relationship with food and her family and get all my notes done on the whole family so that was something good.

But when I got out of work I felt SO cold and ill and it was like that all the way home.

Now I'm home and I feel so rough. Chris just called to say he's out getting drunk with old work friends in Muswell Hill and he sounded really happy so that made me feel a bit better. At least I can have some time to myself to moan and groan before he gets home legless later on.

By then I'll need a big hug though. I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige.

God I feel ill

Chris was at my flat when I got home, which was lovely. He'd been asleep on the sofa and looked all dazed. I had been to Tesco to get us some pasta and sauce and a bottle of wine. We watched Corrie and Eastenders with some food and then watched the finale of America's Next Top Model. We got to bed around 11pm but couldn't sleep because we were both coughing. I had really bad heartburn too. On top of that Chris was snoring really loudly. And I'm sure I was too.

It was all just horrible. I woke up with a really sore through and I'm aches and pains all over. I don't really feel like I can make it into work but I'm sure I'll be fine when I get there.

Meeting Chris's sister & Hannah's birthday

What a great weekend!

After driving up to Boston in Lincolnshire with Maria through the snow to find Britain's fattest family in Britain's fattest town (and meeting some really nice people) I drove back and dropped Maria off at Southwark station. Then I went on and met Chris and his friends at Lambeth North Station. I was shattered but made the effort.

We had a quick pint at The Horse and then went on to another really old fashioned local London 'boozer' that was straight out of the late 50's. You could have imagined The Krays propping up the bar - but it was full of locals and us lot. There was a karaoke machine on and Chris sang 'It's A Sin' by The Pet Shop Boys. He was really drunk but did a great job and it was very entertaining. His singing wasn't bad either.

Eventually we decided to leave and all the way home he was telling me 'you should have gone that way' and asking me if he could park the car when we got home. Even though he couldn't actually see. We got home safely and he didn't park the car. We got burger and chips and then went to bed.

On Saturday I was shattered. We got up and he got a call from his sister Peta and her husband Ben. Chris went to meet them and I had a quick lie down. Then later I met up with them at the Natural History Museum. We had a look at lots of dinosaurs and then went for another drink in a local pub by South Kensington Tube.

Then we made a dash for it and got on the London Eye just as the sun was going down. It was great and everything looked so good. It was a clear day so you could see forever. After that we went for some Italian food near Waterloo and they went home.

I was really shattered but Chris and I went up to Hampstead to go to Hannah's birthday party at her friend's Sharrie's house. It was a stunning house on Frognall Road with a big garden. Sharrie's boyfriend Tom let us in (he's very cute with a big smile) and we met Hannah's boyfriend who's a big Irish hunk with a touch of the Colin Farrell's about him. It was a great night and we got very drunk (again). There was cake, champagne and a gorgeous dalmation.

We got a cab home at around 3am and I had such a terrible hangover on Sunday. I can't even begin to imagine how Chris made it through a day at work. In the evening we had a quiet night in with some Chinese food while watching Britain's Got Talent.

Seven Deadly Sins

So everything's still going great with Chris. It's just so much better when he's around and when he laughs it makes me feel really happy.

And the panic about work is over. I got a job. I sent out hundreds of CVs and I got a job.

I now work at a company which makes lots of really cool shows for Living TV and Channel 4, Channel 5 and BBC1. I have a great producer called Maria and we get on really well. We think similarly and talk about everything. It's great to be able to work as such a good team with someone.

We're working together on a show called The Seven Deadly Sins for Channel 5. It's great fun trying to hunt down people who fit into the categories of Wrath, Pride, Greed, Gluttony, Sloth, Envy and Lust. It's not easy but we're getting there.

My contract there is till 6 June so that takes the pressure off the money side of things and that's a huge relief.

So all in all everything's perfect in my lift right now. I've got a great job, I've got a great boyfriend, I've got a great flat and all is good in the world.

For now.

Spirit dies of cancer

Spirit died at 10.25am on 25 February 2008.

I only thought I was taking him back to the vets to get his medication changed after his back legs stopped working again with a change of treatment.

We got there. He was strangely quiet. I took him into see the vet and she looked him over but instead of saying that we'd put him back onto the same medication from last week she told me it was time to put him to sleep. She said she couldn't do it without my consent and saying yes to having the one creature in the world who trusts me implicitly put to death was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life.

I told him I loved him and that he'd been the best cat anyone could ever have had. He died in my arms while looking into my eyes. I was the last thing Spirit saw before he died. At least it was very quick.

I had forgotten what it feels like to truly feel your heart break. It happened to me at 10.25am on 25 February 2008. I can't believe I love him so much.

Getting a boyfriend

So i met Chris for a date. I'd spoken to him on the internet a few times and we said that we'd go out on the Saturday (19 Feb). His profile picture on the internet was very flattering and he looked stunning. I couldn't believe that he'd be interested in me and part of me assumed that we'd just have a nice day out and that would be that. He suggested that we go to the National History Museum rather than the usual go out and get drunk thing. However, I was in bed when he sent that message so I passed out before I could say that I'd like it - and when I woke up it seemed that I'd offended him.
So I sent him a text in the morning saying that I'd love to do that. But there was no response. Now I really thought I'd offended him - that was it, I'd blown it before we'd even started. Eventually at about 4pm I got a text saying that he'd been out drinking with an old friend last night and only just woken up. He said it was probably too late to do the museum so we could just try a film or something. We arranged to meet at 6pm by the gates of Finsbury Park.
I walked over to meet him and couldn't believe how good looking he was. I totally wrote the evening off as going for a film, having a couple of drinks and then leaving it at that 'thanks I had fun and I'll see you around' stage.
We got on the bus to Islington. There was so much traffic that the bus didn't move far at all. Have you ever been sat on a brightly lit bus that's going nowhere, surrounded by strangers with someone you have never met before but are going on a date with? It's horrible. You don't know what to say because you know people are listening.
In the end we got off and walked back to Manor House and got the tube. That was still strange because it was so loud we couldn't hear each other.
We went to see what film was on and there was nothing we wanted to see so we decided to see 'Before The Devil Knows You're Dead' and then bought tickets before going to the pub.
It was only when we got to the pub did things start to relax. We got chatting and actually made each other laugh. Chris went to the bar and I just sat there looking at him thinking how good looking he was. I knew there was no point in me even considering this would go anywhere but maybe we could be friends if I didn't push things too far.
We had a couple of drinks and then went to see the film. It was awful. I wanted to get up and leave after about 10 minutes but Chris seemed to be watching it intently so I didn't want to seem as if I couldn't see something through so I sat there. It was the slowest film ever. And to make it worse, it kept jumping back in time to start the whole, slow and dreary thing again to show it to you from another character's perspective. Not what you want to be seeing on a first date with someone way out of your league.
When it was over I was so relieved to hear that Chris thought it was awful too. At least now we had something to discuss. We went back to the Edward IV and drank out way through quite a few gin and tonics.
As we talked I tried something. I put my foot on his stool. He didn't flinch and after a while put his on mine. We were getting along very well.
When I got up to go to the loo I suddenly found myself with my face next to his. I can't remember who kissed who first (I bet it was me - it would have had to be me) but we were kissing.
Once we started we didn't stop. We were in a naff pub in Islington at 1am on a Sunday morning, surrounded by older gay men who obviously had nobody to be at home for and we were the two hot young things kissing by the bar. Or seen in another light, we were the two drunken young tramps who should have got a room.
But the man that i thought was too good looking for me was kissing me. And we were having lots of fun. And talking about some quite interesting things as well, such as genetics, evolution and authors.
To cut a long story short, we spent the rest of Sunday in bed. It was amazing. We spent the whole day curled around each other and either sleeping or doing whatever else two gay men might do in bed together. At one point, while he was sleeping, I made us fresh coffee and got some almond danishes from the bakery downstairs, then put them on a tray and walked into the bedroom in my pants and with breakfast. It did the trick.
Eventually, Chris left. I felt amazed that he'd even liked me. Even more amazed that we'd ended up in my lovely new bed together (I knew it would be worth getting a decent new bed in the long run).
After that I played reasonably hard to get until Wednesday (all three days of playing hard to get). He suggested that we got a take away and watched some films at mine. He came over at 8.30pm and we got a pizza delivered from his favourite place in Islington called Il Baccio. We got some nice red wine and watched telly. Then a film. Then another film and another film.
We ate the pizza and we drank the wine. We curled up on the sofa and talked and talked and talked.
And there was sex too. A lot of sex.
That was Wednesday 23 January. Chris hasn't really left my flat since then apart from to do his voluntary work on Weds and Thursdays and do the odd shift at Giraffe in Islington. I'm having a lovely time with him. We get on so well and it gives an excuse to cook a lot for him. We've even changed our facebook relationship status to 'In a relationship' and I've met some of his closest friends, who all seem to think I'm lovely.
I've got a boyfriend. And not even just any old boyfriend. I've got a handsome, clever, funny, interesting, educated and slightly silly boyfriend who I feel 100% comfortable with. And best of all, he's from Cheshire too.

Jay's funeral

I went into CNN and carried on plugging away at the Open Skies Stuff. I'm so bored of it now. There's just so much information and companies don't seem to want to give out too much information in case it affects share prices.
Eventually at around 11am I got the chance to get my producers attention. I told her that it was Jay's funeral today and could I leave about 1pm. She seemed to think that I'd just turned up even though I'd been there for an hour and a half and she said 'so you're asking for the day off then?'.

I said I'd just need the afternoon off if that was OK. She said it was fine to go at 1pm.

At 12.30pm she asked me to create a table of all the companies that had bought Boeing 787's since 2004. She didn't suggest where to get the information from but I looked on the Boeing website. There were press releases and so I worked through each press release for the past 4 years and compiled a table for her. She didn't look impressed when I gave it to her and asked where I'd got the information from. I said Boeing and she seemed to accept it.

It was now 1.30pm and I had to get home, get changed and drive to somewhere near Lewisham by 3pm. I eventually left my flat at about 2.30pm and proceeded to get horribly lost. I eventually got the crematorium for about 4pm.

There was nobody there. But when I saw Jay's name on the wall in the list of funerals for the day it hit me that he was dead. I started crying. I'm glad nobody else was there.

I called Clae and he said that they were at his brother Terry's house for the wake. He told me to meet him at the end of the Rotherhithe tunnel and we'd take it from there.

I got lost again but I met him and his friends by the funeral directors car park. Clae was in the kilt that he got married to Jay in. I said it was strange to see him in it again and he told me that he was only wearing it because everything else decent that he had was lost in the fire that killed Jay.

That blew me away.

We walked up to his brother's flat and everyone was there. It was nice to see people again but not under those circumstances.

Psycho David was there and having his own drama about how much Jay's death had affected him. I didn't even bother with him this time and just got chatting to some lesbian care worker and Clae's other brother Matt. The view from Terry's flat was amazing - you can see right across London and Canary Wharf looks stunning from that angle.

Terry was lovely and looked after me and Matt and I sort of flirted. He told me about his ex-boyfriend having cancer but not wanting to tell him the details even though he knew he was going to die soon. I got chatting to Clae, Matt and Terry's mum and she was lovely. It was strange to see Jay's mum there as she'd flown out from Cape Town and she did look so much like him.

Slowly everyone left and I ended up on my own with Terry and a bottle of wine. We chatted until about 1am and I left. I got home and into bed for about 2.30pm.

I'm dreading work tomorrow. When will it end?

Starting work at CNN

Starting your first day at somewhere like CNN with a hangover is never a good idea. I'd woken up feeling rough as fuck and decided to have a Bloody Mary for breakfast to try and make things better.

So I probably turned up smelling of booze. Not great.

I got there and my producer showed me to a desk that was not really anywhere near hers. She said 'use this desk and find out all you can about which companies are flying out of which airports once the Open Skies Agreements take place in March'. Then she left me to it.

Did I know the log on password to turn the computer on? No.
Did I know where to start looking for the information she wanted? No.
Did I know where the kitchen, the toilets or anything of use was? No.
Did I feel capable of anything? No.

I eventually got her to tell me what the log on was and what exactly she wanted. That was pretty much the last contact I had with her all day.

I said hello to the girl sitting across from me. She replied "Er, yeah hi" and turned her chair away to face the other direction.

Basically the whole day was horrible. It's a really fast paced news room with no natural lighting, recycled air and lots of loud American people shouting over the room at each other. Nobody spoke to me. When I passed people in the office nobody even looked at me. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own things to notice I was even there.

It got to about 7.30pm and I was starting to wonder how long I was meant to stay for. My producer was still typing away and didn't seem to want to be disturbed. I eventually asked her when I could go and she asked me to show her what I'd done. I did and she said she wanted it in a table that could be easily read rather than the way I did it. There is so much information about the Open Skies Agreement that it was all a bit daunting to be honest.

I got out of there and called Clive. He was down at Green Carnation waiting for Robbie. I said I'd go to meet him for a drink. On the way I called Nicola. She was lovely and talked me through the day. She said that News Rooms aren't chatty places but things will get better when I've been there a bit longer.

I met up with Clive and Robbie and had a few drinks. That made me feel a bit better and I went home and had some food before bed. Spirit was looking a lot better today and the lump on his neck had gone right down so I felt relieved.

God I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Spirit's chemotherapy starts

Spirit's health has gone downhill so much since I first found a lump on his neck. He's dying.

He can't even climb onto the sofa without help and sometimes when he walks he loses his balance. He's taken to spending all his time sleeping under the bed and hardly eats a thing.

He's also starting vanishing and this morning I couldn't find him anywhere. I almost resigned myself to the idea that he'd gone to find a quiet place to die. It was pouring down with rain and freezing cold but I went out to look for him. I eventually found him on the door mat at the back of blind Tony's flat and when I picked him up he let out a very strange wheezing noise.

I got him into his carrier and took him to the vets. He was making horrible noises all the way there and I really felt like I was taking him to be put down. I was begging him not to cry and the tears were flooding down my face.

I got him into the vets and the lovely Dr. Lars took us through to the surgery. He explained everything that would happen and I said goodbye to Spirit. I'm sure they know what they're doing and I hoped things would be OK. They told me to come back and get him around 6pm.

It was a very long day and I tried to busy myself as much as I could with tidying and stuff. Eventually the time came for me to go and get him. They said he'd been good as gold and everything went well. They gave me some pills to give him each day and I paid the £130 bill for this week.

I got Spirit home and opened his carrier. He didn't seem to want to come out so I reached in and helped him. His back legs didn't seem to work and I was worried but they did say that he was going to have a few side effects. I fed himand he seemed happy to eat so that was good.

Slowly as the evening past I noticed him getting better. I opened a bottle of wine and cooked some food to celebrate him being on the mend. He definitely looked chirpier and I wired my way through the bottle of wine. And then I got another one. That went too.

So I eventually got to bed at around 3am and was rather drunk.

Filming It Pays To Watch

When it came to the actual filming of It Pays To Watch I'd had a good night's sleep beforehand and was ready and willing.
When I got there everyone was very nice to me and and there was a whole new load of people there. Sarah Cahwood had been replaced by Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee who were really friendly and nice. Debbie and I got chatting about her fitness trainer son and other bits and bobs. Paul and I were soon chatting about how Paul Daniels isn't really his name and it's just a company that he uses for his act and his merchandising. It was all very interesting.
Then a VERY handsome man turned up. We seemed to just end up chatting and got on very well indeed. I wasn't sure if he was flirting or not but he was lovely and I was very pleased to be talking to him. He's an actor and called Justin. He's in the touring production of 'Dad's Army'.
I think he was just being nice and chatting away but he did take my number and say that he'd call me when the show is coming to The Hackney Empire.
We filmed the show and it went very well. Just like the dress rehearsal but this time it flew by in no time and was a bit smoother. Martin and Ruth were great and my bit went swimmingly.

Then it was all done. I said goodbye to Paul and Debbie. Justin headed off with Martin (they're good friends) and so I headed home to watch the show when it aired at 7.30pm. I bought a bottle of wine and settled down.

It was all very good and I got lots of texts afterwards saying how good it was from everyone at Jeremy Kyle.

Ahhhh. It's nice to be back on TV again. I forgot how much fun it is.

Note to self: must get on TV more often again.